BUCKET LIST CHALLENGE DAY 3
- Download your workbook for day 3 below
- Answer the questions in your workbook
- Comment below and let us know what you unintentional model was
- Share the challenge with your friends!
who is sylvia?
Sylvia is a mum, entrepreneur, business coach, stylist & traveler and the creator of the popular websites 40plusstyle.com and sylviavandelogt.com.
She helps women feel better about themselves and get more confident so they can tap into their truest, fullest potential in business & life.
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C: I weigh 169 pounds
T: I’m not attractive.
F: Unloved
A: Whenever I start to feel hungry, I eat instead of waiting. I’m unwilling to experience hunger because I already feel empty of love.
R: I remain at 169 pounds.
Comment: In this case, I think the feeling is happening first and is a result of my relationship. Then I think I’m not attractive. Then I think I’m too big to be attractive. Logic tells me these are false, but emotions aren’t logical.
Thanks for sharing your unintentional model Valerie.
If you think that your marriage is causing it, you need to put that in the model.
You’ll find that your relationship can’t cause the feeling. It’s your THOUGHT about the relationship that’s causing it.
Which thought about your relationship is causing you to feel unloved?
Also realize, the only person that can cause a feeling inside of you is YOU. Another person can’t do that. If I told you that I don’t like your purple hair (and you don’t have purple hair) would you take it seriously? Would you feel worse about yourself because I said that? My guess is that you just think I’m crazy. Because you’re not accepting my opinion. You don’t feel that it applies to you. It doesn’t make you feel anything.
This concept is too much to explain in a short comment, but give it some thought.
Hi again,
here is my unintentional model:
C:I am on facebook, messenger and texting, watching Utube, and checking my work and personal emails anywhere from 2-4hours per day. I work 8 hours Monday to Friday, commute 3 hours per day, do chores 1.5 hour per day and sleep 7 hours per night. that leaves 30 minutes to chat with family members and nothing else gets done.
T: I have already worked hard today so I deserve to relax by doing mindless things ie. facebook etc.
F:first happy and relaxed then guilty, depressed, lazy and powerless to make a change
A:sit on the couch looking at iPhone then move to my bedroom and lie in bed using the lap top.
R: don’t get enough exercise, eat when not hungry for comfort, feel depressed
R: don’t get enough exercise, eat comfort food, feel lethargic, and stuck
Excellent model. A few suggestions to clean it up a little:
C: 3 hours on social media
T: I have already worked hard today so I deserve to relax by doing mindless things ie. facebook etc.
F: depressed
A: sit on the couch looking at iPhone then move to my bedroom and lie in bed using the lap top, don’t exercise, eat when not hungry for comfort
R: I’m not rewarding myself
I think you already realize intellectually what’s happening here. You think you rewarding yourself by this ‘relaxation’ time but you’re doing the opposite as it makes you feel depressed.
You may think it’s the social media that’s causing it but it’s your thought that you want to reward yourself for working by doing something that you THINK relaxes.
And it has the opposite effect.
I look forward to seeing how you progress with this in step 4.
Wow, this is definitely one of those things that is amazing in its simplicity! I have never though about things this way. Here is my unintentional model:
C: I do not have my own business/website/blog
T: It will fail
F: Fear, anxiety, overwhelmed
A: Inertia – I do nothing, social media, shopping, other self soothing activities
C: No forward progress on starting a business/website/blog
I also have to say that I really lack clarity on what my business/website/blog would be. I feel like I am not good at anything and have nothing to contribute. Would that be a second model?
Good to read you find it useful. It truly is helpful for any situation.
Yes that would be a new model. You create new models for each thought as it leads to different feelings.
I had that exact same problem when I started and I have a process of getting more clarity, making a decision and getting more confidence in your capabilities that I’ll share in my program.
Sometimes, lack of clarity or choosing to be confused can also be a stalling mechanism for not starting and that’s something to be very aware of as well.
C: Not doing anything of value in my life
T: I am wasting my life
F: lack of self-worth. Worthless.
A: indiscipline. Distract myself with YouTube, unimportant tasks under the guise of busy-ness. Don’t get anything of value done.
R: feel devalued and worthless. I am wasting my life.
Thanks so much for this Sylvia. Absolutely mind blowing.
Hi Sushmita, We need to clean up your model a bit.
C: my life –> remember no opinions here 🙂
T: I’m wasting it
F: worthless
A: indiscipline. Distract myself with YouTube, unimportant tasks under the guise of busy-ness. Don’t get anything of value done.
R: I don’t honor myself and my life
Your life is as precious as anyone else’s Sushmita. It’s only your THOUGHT about it that makes you feel worthless. Why are you choosing that thought? How else can you think about your life?
I look forward how you progress with this in the challenge.
Thank you SO much for your response! I was unsure about my C hence didn’t want to progress to day 4 without your input. I cannot begin to tell you how blessed I feel for having found you at this important juncture in my life. I am deeply grateful that you are giving the personal and immediate feedback from halfway across the world!! Coaching many more like me who are lost and need some hand holding to find their direction. Thank you for what you are doing. It is deeply meaningful.
Great to read it was helpful Sushmita!
C: My desk is cluttered with 4 piles of papers.
T: It’going to be very hard to sort them out. I need more time and energy.
F: Overwhelmed
A: Procrastinate, browse Internet,Youtube,Pinterest
R: The piles keep growing
Hi Mara
Keep your C neutral, cluttered gives an opinion
C; 4 piles of papers on desk
T: It’s clutter and it’s going to be very hard to sort them out.
F: Overwhelmed
A: Procrastinate, browse Internet, Youtube, Pinterest
R: I’m cluttering my own mind
It’s not the piles of paper that are the problem, it’s your thought about it That leads you to add more clutter in your life though internet browsing etc.. They’re just piles of paper. How else can you think about that?
Or, as an alternative, what thought would lead to a better result?
C: I am isolated and unhappy.
T: I want to divorce, sell the farm, split the $ and buy a
condo in Dallas.
F: Overwhelmed and fearful of financial uncertainty.
A: Emotional eating…sabotaging goal #2
Doing nothing
R: Still isolated and
HI luanne,
You’re mixing a few circumstances and feelings here which belong in different models.
You need to change your c as it’s not a neutral circumstance but a feeling.
C: my marriage
T: (what exactly in your marriage makes you feel unhappy or isolated? – what is the thought?
F: unhappy or isolated (pick one)
A: think about a divorce, think about selling the farm, splitting the $ and buy a condo in Dallas, eat emotionally, sabotage goal #2
R: The result depends on what your thought is…
Your other model is this one
C: divorce
T: I don’t know if I will manage financially
F: overwhelmed
A: eat emotionally, sabotage goal #2
R: I’m not managing and not deciding
Give it a bit more thought to get clarity around these.
C – need to exercise daily to keep my heart fit
T – I want to do this but only manage occassionally due to laziness and lack of willpower
F – feel angry with myself and upset
A – demotiovated so do nothing
R – feel sad that I am not helping myself and feel I am letting my loved ones down
Hey Karen. You need to clean up your model a bit
C: Got negative score on health test (I’m just guessing here, but add something that is factual) ->> what you have currently is a thought NOT a circumstance
T: I don’t have the willpower to exercize
F: defeated (not quite sure if angry or upset is what you’re feeling when you think that you don’t have the willpower. I came up with defeated, but perhaps it’s something else? – what do you think you feel when you tell yourself that?)
A: don’t exercize, get upset with myself, do nothing
R: I’m not giving power to myself
Why do you think you don’t have the willpower? Why do you choose to think that?
Also, be careful not to get mad at yourself. When you get mad or upset because you don’t do something, you start to feel even worse which will lead you to want to comfort yourself. It’s a vicious circle.
C-I don’t have a clear/written purpose for how to live in my retirement years.
T- I need to have purpose so I feel important and useful to society.
F – I feel useless
A- I spent a big part of my day on the internet, social media, or working other priorities such as exercise.
R- I have no defined purpose in my life!
Hi Sue, Thanks for sharing your model. A few suggestions:
C: plan for retirement (keep the c factual – you’re stating an opinion here)
T: I need to have purpose so I feel important and useful to society
F: useless
A: I spent a big part of my day on the internet, social media, or working other priorities such as exercise.
R: I’m not living with intention / purpose
Did you see my video for day 1 and 2? Is it it necessary to have a purpose to feel important? Or can you just feel important and useful because you just are! You can feel useful by removing a piece of garbage from your street. Your purpose is just to be here on this planet. You don’t need anything to feel important. Perhaps a better question to ask is: what can I do in retirement so I feel purposeful? What is important to me? It’s only when you feel happy with yourself and what you’re doing, that you can be helpful to society (if that is what you wish). Your thought that you need to have a purpose is making you feel useless which has the opposite effect so it’s not the right thought for you.
I look forward to seeing how you will make this model more intentional in step 4.
Hi Sylvia, thanks for this unintentional model exercise, I think it’s going to really help me. Right now my biggest priority is letting go of things I no longer need.
C: I have an attic (well, now it’s all in a spare room) of boxes and boxes of items I no longer need, (children’s clothes, baby clothes, toys, the children’s things). I did donate many boxes of items before Christmas but I need to now let go of the last 30%.
T: I need to hold on to these things, they are memories and comfort me. I already donated many boxes before Christmas that was hard to let go, I don’t want to let go of the rest, I need them for memories and comfort.
F: When I think about letting go of everything I feel anxious, dreading, like I am letting go of me.
A: Avoiding the spare room, procrastinating, keep putting the decluttering of these things on the low priority list.
R: Not living as simple as I had hoped, the kids have all moved out and starting their own lives but I am still dragging all this stuff (they don’t want it) with me that will only weigh me down and it’s going to prevent me from what I want which is to move on, to grow my own business and to simplify my life .
Excellent thought work Susan. You just want to keep your actual model a bit shorter and cleaner so it’s easier to see how you are creating your results
C: spare room with boxes of children’s clothes, baby clothes, toys, the children’s things
T: I don’t want to let go of the rest, I need them for memories and comfort.
F: anxious
A: Avoiding the spare room, procrastinating, keep putting the decluttering of these things on the low priority list.
R: I’m not creating space for me
It’s interesting to see that your brain wants to hold on to them because it thinks it will comfort you but instead it makes you anxious, giving you the opposite result. I look forward to exploring how you can make this model more intentional.
circumstance – my affairs are not in order
thought – my paperwork/to do pile is too large; what if I die and leave mess for others
feeling – scared, helpless, alone
action – “go out” with people, procrastinate, freeze
result – my affairs are not in order and the pile grows and I get older
This negativity surprised me as I always was proud how organized I was until recently and the fact that I think about my future in a positive way – have goals and dreams for better – they say life begins at 50. I am celebrating turning 50 in three weeks and am excited.
Hi Judy, Good thought work. A few suggestions
C: pile of 50 pieces of paper work on desk (make sure to make the C factual ‘not in order’ is an opinion / a thought
T: My affairs are not in order, I don’t want to leave a mess for others
F: scared, alone
A: “go out” with people, procrastinate, freeze
R: I’m being messy
Look forward to working on this further in step 4.
This bothers me every day enough to make it a priority.
C: I have a closet full of clothes I don’t wear
T: I have wasted a lot of money
F: Frustrated and ashamed that I’ve been so wasteful
A: Look through closet each morning, then put on a T-shirt and leggings anyway
R: I look and feel frumpy.
Excellent thought work Amy! A few suggestions to make the model more accurate
C: 30 items in my closet that I never wear (make it factual here. Is it really true that you’re not wearing anything from your closet?)
T: I have wasted a lot of money
F: frustrated
A: Look through closet each morning, then put on a t-shirt and leggings anyway
R: I don’t value myself
It feels like being overwhelmed is part of your problem too. Does the action of picking the same item every morning come from frustration or overwhelm of the many clothes in your clothes that you don’t want to wear? This could be another model you may want to explore.
C: 30 items in my closet that I never wear
T: I can’t find any clothes in my closet that I like
F: overwhelmed
A: Look through closet each morning, then put on a t-shirt and leggings anyway
R: I don’t like myself and the way I look
Your result comes from the initial thoughts as it’s hard to be inspired and find a good outfit when you’re overwhelmed or frustrated. Look forward to working on your intentional model for step 4.
C- Put into action ideas I have to earn extra income
T- I am afraid it won’t be successful
A- I don’t do anything to get it going
R- I am always low on cash because my job pays little.
There is one line missing Annette so I will attempt to correct it with what I think your intention is
C: I have ideas to earn extra income (put into action is an action and goes in the action line of the model)
T: It will not be successful
F: Afraid
A: I don’t do anything to get it going
R: I don’t allow myself to be successful
What you’re doing with this model is failing ahead of time as your fear completely stops you in your tracks.
I look forward to seeing how you can make this model more intentional in the next step!
C: Overweight
T: I hate how my body looks
F: Ashamed, embarrassed, frumpy because my beautiful clothes don’t fit and I do not want to buy a whole new wardrobe.
A: Don’t stick to my food plan, and eat comfort foods. Berate myself because I lost weight before and achieved my goal, then gained it all back.
R: I remain overweight, and in fact continue to gain weight.
Thanks for sharing your model Patti
Your C is subjective (what you consider overweight may not be what another person considers to be overweight). It’s best to put a number there.
It’s also best to put a number in the R line.
I look forward to moving you towards a more intentional model in step 4 as this thought is not giving you the desired result and serves no purpose.
Ok, Here goes my Model:
C- My business is not producing what I want it to and what I know its capable of.
T-I don’t have time to work on it. People won’t be interested in a cruise membership program. I don’t have any potential customers to talk to or Its not the right time to bring it up to someone.
F-Feel Defeated
A-Feel sorry for myself, I eat, I clean. When I am out in public I can’t wait to get back home and often decline invitations from friends.
R-I do nothing to grow my business. I don’t even call potential customers who have expressed some interest in the past.
Yikes this is bad.
Thank you Sylvia for this challenge!
Hi Pathrecy,
Thanks for sharing your model. A few suggestions:
C: This needs to be a number eg. Business making 50k / year (what you have stated here now is an opinion and not factual)
T:People won’t be interested in a cruise membership program (You are listing 4 different thoughts here; you need to pick one – you can do separate models on the other thoughts)
F: defeated
A: Feel sorry for myself, I eat, I clean. When I am out in public I can’t wait to get back home and often decline invitations from friends.
R: This would be the same number as the C line.
What you need to observe is that this result comes from your thought that people are not interested, because that makes you feel defeated and doesn’t produce the required actions to get your result. It serves no purpose to think that.
So my questions are: how do you know that they are not interested? Are there any examples of people who have bought this kind of membership from other people?
(C). I do not advance on my thesis project. I do not have anything in concrete to show my advisor
(T). I do not have clarity on what to do
(F). I feel overwhelmed
(A). I do things that make me feel confident like working and happy like spending time with my dogs, family and friends
(R). I am not advancing with my thesis project at all
Excellent thought work Gina. A few suggestions:
C: I don’t have anything new to show to my advisor (I do not advance is a thought and can’t be in the C line)
T: I do not have clarity of what to do
F: overwhelmed (is it overwhelmed or confused? – lack of clarity often leads to confusion)
A: Work, spend time with dogs, family and friends
R: I’m stuck and don’t do anything on thesis
A question to ask yourself: why are your choosing to be confused?
What if you knew one thing that you could do, what would it be?
C- Have not taken my federal and state income tax test, this is part of my business also I volunteer and do taxes doing tax season
T- I have not studied enough I am not ready
F-Fear of failures
A-Watch television, clean house, do anything else but take test
R- Have not taken test to receive certificates and I have a fast approaching deadline
Excellent thought work Pat. Here are a few suggestions to make your model cleaner.
C: Have not taken my federal and state income test
T: I have not studied enough and I’m not ready
F: fearful
A: Watch television, clean house, do anything else but take test
R: I’m failing myself (you’re essentially failing ahead of time – you don’t want to put another action here but the result of your model which always proves your thought)
Question to ponder: how would you know if you were ready?
Look forward to getting to your intentional model on day 4.
This is a simple one but real for me so starting small:
C: I have always started my day drinking coffee but lately it makes me feel nauseous.
T: I can’t find a substitute that gives me that same awake feeling that I get from coffee plus I love the taste.
F: I am upset that I can’t drink my coffee in the morning without feeling nauseous – it’s almost a ritual I’ve been doing all my adult life.
A: I keep drinking coffee every morning in spite of how it makes me feel.
R: I feel nauseous every morning on my way to work.
Excellent work Krys. A few suggestions to make your model clear
C: 5 instances where I got nauseous after drinking coffee (we want to make the C as factual as possible)
T: I can’t find a substitute that gives me that same awake feeling that I get from coffee plus I love the taste.
F: Upset (usually best to use just one word here
A: I comfort myself with coffee (when we feel upset we do things to comfort us)
R: I’m making myself unwell (you could keep the one you mentioned but this one makes it bit clearer of what your thought is creating. That thought is causing you not to look hard enough for alternatives.
We will look at how we can make your model more intentional in day 4!
Great video, Sylvia, in explaining the model. I am going to get to work on living my intentional model!
You’re one step ahead Elysha! We’ll be diving into the intentional model in the next step 🙂
That was interesting. Not sure if I understand the model fully yet but this is what I came up with:
C: don’t make a lot of money with my jewelry business
T: I will never be able to support my family with my jewelry
F: defeated
A: Give up, don’t create so much, look for other ways to be creative, don’t promote my jewelry, don’t look for ways to sell it
R: no successful business
Clearly that thought is not serving me but not sure how I can replace it with another thought as this is what I believe. I guess I’ll just be patient for day 4!
Well done on doing this thought work Christine. A few notes. “don’t make a lot of money” is not completely neutral. We don’t know what ‘not a lot’ is. Best to put a number here. What may be ‘not of a lot’ for you may be a lot for someone else.
Your result is always about you, so a better phrase would be: I’m not supporting myself or I’m not creating the business I want.
You will work on your intentional model tomorrow 🙂
Finally someone saying that i need not search for a noble larger than life mission or purpose to live. So many motivational sites want us to find out our purpose for life when nothing special can be found, especially in my simple and ordinary world. Just live each day fully. Thanks.
Great to read this message was helpful to you Shilpa!
I always wondered why I “didn’t have enough time” to work on my art ‘business’ yet had plenty of time to tidy and clean the house! When I thought about it, I realised that I had made my art plans so complicated they became overwhelming and therefore I found ways to avoid it all together.
A definite and valuable insight – thank you!
Fantastic ‘aha’ moment Connie!